Why Miscommunication Happens (and Why It’s Not Your Fault)

Let’s be real: most miscommunication in the workplace isn’t about laziness or bad intentions. It’s about mismatched styles colliding.

I see it constantly in my communication classes. Most often, it’s between an owner and an employee.

Sometimes the employee is neurodivergent. Sometimes the boss is neurodivergent. Sometimes both. And guess what? The fireworks usually start in the same place:

Instructions.

The number of times I’ve said “An SOP would solve this” is higher than I’d like to admit. (Seriously—just write it down, people. Future you will thank you.)

Here’s how it plays out for me personally:

• In the moment, if someone’s upset, I fawn. I take whatever they’re going to yell at me about and nod along like a bobblehead.

• Later, when my brain finally comes back online, I realize ohhhh—that’s where it went wrong.

• Then I quietly change my behavior to avoid it next time.

I’m getting better at circling back and saying, “Hey, I think this is what happened,” but processing in the moment? Yeah, not always possible.

The real kicker? People often assume our feelings based on how we present. They see a flat face and think we’re mad. They hear a blunt tone and think we’re angry. They watch us freeze and think we don’t care. Suddenly, there’s all this extra emotion in a situation where none was intended.

But here’s the truth: miscommunication isn’t really anyone’s fault unless somebody is being malicious. Most of the time, it’s just two humans with different wiring trying to make sense of each other.

And the fix? Stop treating it like a solo problem to “fix yourself” and start treating it like a team puzzle.

We should be working through these issues together, not silently replaying them in our heads at 3 AM.

Because communication isn’t about perfection, it’s about clarity. And clarity is a group project.